Struggling Morning Meditation
5am. The house is dark. I light a candle and
find my seat.
My ankles itch.
I’m cold.
I get a blanket and wrap up inside it.
I pull it like a cloak around me and over my head.
I cannot disappear from myself.
I watch my thoughts wander around.
I point one out, See! A thought!
What's it doing?
I make it sit down and be quiet.
Then comes another. Then another.
Mental space gets thinner and opens up
like a predawn sky
I see light.
The light has no inner dialogue
and no judgment. It is quiet.
The light changes, but is present for an eternity
or half a minute, but it was there.
That is what matters:
Forty-five minutes in the dark
to see the light.